The Widow's Gift, part two

Claudia petted Squeaky and stared at the letter in her hands, her gaze unfocused and absent minded.  She let the memories of the past month wash over her, like an ice cold shower cold, hard and unrelenting.  Abe’s death, the sterile white walls of the hospital, the packed pews of St. Matt’s for his funeral service, and the finality of the dirt hitting his casket.  There was laughter and family and friends at his wake which brought comfort and sorrow at the same time.  Their friends and family brought Abe’s memory to life through their stories and laughter.  She would cherish those moments most of all, the laughter brought hope that life hadn’t evaporated along with the love of her life.

And now, in the stillness of their house there was just Claudia and her memories.  Squeaky nudged closer, feeling her emotional turmoil and trying to offer comfort in the only matter he knew how.  Abe’s letter stared up at her, she could hear his voice in her head telling her to read the letter but still she struggled to open the letter.  “I am being foolish,” she whispered softly.  “I know he is never coming home and yet, I can’t bring myself to accept that in my heart.”  Her tears slid silently down her checks, the wracking sobs were gone and all that was left was the silent grief that slowly comes with acceptance.

As the tears slowed, Claudia fingered Abe’s letter.  Running her finger repeatedly over Abe’s handwriting, unconsciously shaking her head at the familiar scrawl.  He had written so few letters to her throughout their marriage that regardless of what was contained in this letter, she would cherish the letter as the last physical contact from Abe.  Claudia squirmed in her chair and Squeaky picked this moment to flee.

“No sense putting off the inevitable” Claudia sighed and her hand trembled as she picked up the letter.  Her hand shook so badly with emotion that she struggled to gain control of her hand as she reached for the letter opener.  Her hand shook as she sliced open the letter and slipped the letter out.  It tumbled onto her lap and stared up demanding nothing and yet requiring her heart and soul to open.

She picked up the letter and as her hand trembled, she opened the letter and saw Abe’s handwriting staring back at her.

My Dearest Love,

If you are reading this, please know that I love you more than words can ever express.  I know that if you are reading this than unfortunately, I left this world before you.  Know that I have done my best to provide for you in that event and that I love you still.

The letter fluttered from her hands and fell into her lap.  The tears once again fell unchecked down her checks and she made no effort to staunch their flow.  She said a silent prayer as the tears fell, “God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The familiar prayer was comforting but if she were honest with herself and God, Claudia would have preferred the comfort of Abe’s strong arms holding her tight to whispered prayers for strength.